Tuesday, December 8, 2015

Is Blaine Gabbert Elite?

Yes.
Picture above: The second coming of Joe Montana
(The following article should be read in old-timey newsman voice, think the beginning of 'UP'. Not the part where you cried and had to turn your head so you girlfriend wouldn't see, the part where they introduce the villain by newsreel.) 
Chicago -  The rain in Spain falls mainly on the BLAINE?!?! Troubadour Blaine Gabbart made quick work of a vociferous Bears defense. Unlike conventional quarterbacks Gabbart used his legs to rally the San Francisco Prospectors to a come from behind win for the ages.
In this reporters estimation, he may have revolutionized the Quarterback position. Will we start to see more quarterbacks try and "scramble" with the ball?
The Bears defense, who apparently had never seen such a spectacle, certainly hope not. Said former Bear great Dick Batholomew Pennyworth Butkis the Third: "I should say, in my day, if a quarterback attempted to run with the ball we gave him quite the dirty look and refused his request of sugar with his after-game tea."
"I ran, not just to win the game, but to show the world the way football could, nay should be played," responded a jubilant Blaine in the post game conference. "May my legs be the shovel that melts the forward pass."
Gamesmanship or showboating? Strategy or cheating? These questions will only be answered when the Niners and Bears meet again in the playoffs. Assuming they have a second playoffs for teams who tried, but didn't "win" enough.
Notes from the game:
- This was the first time the Bears had allowed a QB rushing TD outside of all the other ones
- I drank 2 Stella's and 2 Bud Lights
- Gabbart was fined for mixing his metaphors in his post-game conference

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