I get it, you want to be John Mclaine because he's a gritty scrapper who
overcome odds and blah blah blah. Or you want to be The Punisher cause
you're a psychopath who subscribes to their own code of justice. Well
guess what? In the real world, gritty scrappers end up as stepping
stones for the talented.
Just ask Peter Mcneeley.
And if you want to operate by your own code of justice I hope you have the money for some big time lawyers. That's why my list of heroes is different. This isn't five characters who got the girl, or saved the planet. These are five people who did the best they would with what they had, which is all you can ask for from someone.
1. Igor (Fritz) - Frankenstein 1931
How do we judge a man? Is a man what he is or what he overcomes? Is a child raised in poverty who becomes a success not more admirable than a rich kid who achieves relative mediocrity, even if it's the greater sum?
Igor (known as Fritz in the original Frankenstein) is an unfortunate soul who, because of societies obsession with looks, has been cast aside by the masses. Spit upon, teased as a child, drive to the outer edges of town, Igor has every reason to turn his back on humanity. But instead he busts his hump to help Dr. Frankenstein try and tame the cruelest of all human fates, mortality. The essence of human morality is helping those who seek to do you harm and in this sense the dimwitted, disabled and maligned Igor is a man of the highest moral character. Like a Kennedy.
2. Carter Burke - Aliens 1986
The hardest thing to do in life is to stand up and fight with no one behind you. I'm part of the generation raised to distrust corporations. They're unfeeling machines who exist to make a profit at the price of human suffering. But as you get older, you realize it's not as black and white as Oliver Stone would have you believe. Some times tough decisions have to be made.
Imagine you're surrounded by soldiers who are in a panic, acting irrational. You're trapped on an foreign planet surrounded by alien life forms hunting you down. And now, the leader of the marines is suggesting to take off and "nuke the site from orbit". Most of you would blindly follow the orders of these highly trained, battle tested marines. And I wouldn't blame you, we can't all be as brave as Carter "Hercules" Burke.
Even when a marine who is obviously suffering from PTSD shoves a gun his his face and dehumanizes him by referring to Carter as "dog-meat", Burke stands tall against the bullying. He is determined to save this alien species no matter the cost to himself, and others. I admire Mr. Burke because he exemplifies the truest spark of bravery, the lone sane man, in a insane world.
3. Fredo Corleone - Godfather I & II
There is no complex minutia to wade through on this pick, it should be pretty obvious. In Fredo Corleone you're talking about a man who was "banging cocktail waitresses two at time". Think about the statement. It implies this Lothario wasn't just able to seduce two women at once, but he was doing it so much it was affecting his work. How many of us have been able to have so much sex it's affects our work consistently? And this is before Viagra or Cialis or any other penis steroid, this man was seducing women and having hours of sex running on nothing other than Sicilian machismo. I believe Michael's real reason for having him killed was the boiling over of his jealousy at the Holmes-esque escapades of his brother. Ask yourself would you rather be the brother who spends all day alone scheming, or all day enveloped in rapturous lovemaking with uncountable amounts of people? Give me 30 Fredo years over 70 Michael years any time.
4. Donald Gennaro from Jurassic Park - 1993
He's the only one who agrees with John Hammond and has the vision to see what is plainly obvious. Every other adult sits around wringing their hands like a conservative judge presiding over a gay marriage.
But it's more than just his brave stand in the face of pessimism. It's one of the most heroic acts in film history. The T. Rex has broken out of its cage. Donald, fighting against 1000 lawyer jokes, selflessly tries to lead the giant lizard away from the children in the stuck car. He has to know he can't outrun the T. Rex. But be assured his luring of the menace saves those children's lives. Who doesn't dream of their death being so gallant and brave. God bless you Donald Gennaro, you got less than you deserved.
5.The Penguin - Batman Returns 1992
I
consider this, in its essence, to be a spiritual sequel to Mr. Smith
Goes to Washington (How has no one parodied that with Agent Smith in the
principle role?). We return to the theme of a man/penguin rejected by
not just society, but his own family. I mean the movie even takes time
out to have gorgeous Selina Kyle mock the very idea of dating him. So
Penguin tries to work within the system, to create change the "right"
way. He sells out who he is to try and become mayor of a city which
doesn't deserve a man with such a pure heart. But of course his
altruistic efforts are thwarted by a man-child who refuses to see a
shrink and get over his childhood trauma.
What ossifies my
positive opinion of Penguin is how he finds his roots in the end. Even
faced with humiliation and scorn after a less than successful campaign
speech, he goes back to his family and tries one last time to achieve
his vision of a better Gotham. We should all be so driven.
